I have never claimed to be "MkUltragirl" or envied victims of torture. I'm not trying to build a case or win a settlement. I'm just trying to get a handle on inexplicable events in my family history. In trying to prove that I, as a child, was taken to military bases and used in secret Cold War experiments, I've had to rely on various sources including:
My own fragmentary childhood
memories
Things I was told (and not
told) by parents, relatives, and family friends as I was growing up
Historical records that
place my family and me at the centre of the MKULTRA project at McGill and
around Montreal in the 1950s and 60s
A single file card (obtained
with great difficulty from McGill's patient records department) stating my
father was a Cameron patient in 1962
An emptied 'Psychiatry' file
for me, dated 1955, i.e. age 4 which I was shown by McGill Records, but not
allowed to keep. I was definitely hospitalized for 'Pneumonia' that winter, but
no records exist for that hospitalisation during which my parents were told I
'nearly died.' By far the likeliest explanation is that my bout of pneumonia
was the cover for slipping me into Dr. Cameron's secret LSD experiments on
children, for which all records were later emptied, hidden, or destroyed.
My school records from
1958-59 (when I was in Second Grade) show I was absent for exactly 100 out of
200 school days) -- which was remarked on but never explained at the time. That
was exactly when Cameron's subproject 68, involving drugs, hypnosis, ECT, and
sensory isolation was at its height -- and there are CIA records to show that,
which allude to "new research tools" he was using, probably children.
Photos from our family
album, taken about a year apart, possibly snapped en route to a military base
outside Montreal. It seems my parents were documenting these trips.
I would be the first person
to admit that the above list doesn't constitute proof in the legal sense and
would probably not get me past the first interview with a lawyer -- and I have
spoken about my case with Allan Stein, of Stein and Stein, who has successfully
represented other survivors. He advised me not to pursue compensation, and
showed me a thick file of letters he has received from dozens of people across
Canada who were in programs similar to the most infamous one at McGill, as he
explained why he was unable to help them.
I'm definitely not 'MKULTRA
Girl' nor would I want to be, but I have had flashbacks of being
electro-shocked by a team of white-coated men. MKULTRA doctors and their
military colleagues worked in secrecy and didn't leave many traces -- just
scars on those who survived. The other children lie in unmarked graves.
I recently looked more
closely at another photo of me, below -- taken in 1954 (the colour of the
license plate is proof of the year). It's one of the series showing my brother
and me at different ages, wearing different clothes, at various locations: always
in springtime in deserted roadside locations.
The license plate number 223
69 adds up to "22" which happens to be my Life Path number in
numerology. The design tells us it's a
black and yellow 1954 Quebec plate -- which matches my age in the photo, as I
look to be between 3 and 4 and had recently recovered from a bout of pneumonia.
It's another piece of the puzzle. But proof?
Proof is elusive, unless the missing records surface. I've seen my Psychiatry
file from 1955 at McGill's Royal Victoria Hospital, where no children were
supposed to have been admitted. It had been emptied.
 | |
| Stable building, Allan Memorial. Cameron's behavioral lab was in the basement |
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